Sweaty yet?

Unearthing the Sacred: Melanie Stevens

So, I have a theory.

For those of us who may be aware of many of the things that have gotten censored on FB and Instagram in recent months in regards to our vaxxed status, some of those significant topics are detrimental to our health. One of those topics has revolved around the menstrual cycle. Now, wait guys! I won’t stay on this topic for long but it’s part of the theory, so please hear me out. Back in late February or early March, a doctor (I don’t remember who) had asked the question of women – have menstrual cycles changed since receiving the vax came out? (After 10’s of 1,000’s of responses, Instagram took her post down. Thousands of non-vaxxed women also responded with similar stories) I won’t go into my own story or those stories I’ve read for any men reading this but I will note a few items:

  1. Early menopause began for many women in the Fall of 2020, many in their early 40’s. (This has not been looked into by doctors that I’m aware of, I’ve just been noting it as I come across women’s responses.)
  2. Menstrual cycles of tens of thousands of women became erratic in one form or another beginning February 2021.
  3. In some cases, women who have been menopausal for years have become pregnant (one I know of in her early 60’s – menopausal for 15 years & husband with vasectomy).

Ok, guys, I’m done with the menstrual talk. Now, on to my theory…

I had been taken out to dinner a few weeks back (mid-December 2021). It wasn’t until we were walking through the restaurant to leave that I realized something really significant. I could not smell food. No, I didn’t have covid. No, actually I could smell, but I was smelling body odor. An entire dining room full of body odor. Besides the oddity of not smelling food in a restaurant, why is this significant? Because I overheard months ago a conversation between my nieces about how one of them was needing to switch deodorant for theirs didn’t seem to be working. I remember thinking at the time that I too was having that same problem. No matter what I did, I reeked. A bit embarrassing to say that out loud perhaps, but, I keep hearing the same from others. They too are having problems.

Initially, when I began developing this idea, I was reminded of something I read that aligned mental and emotional matters with physical issues. It stated (or I thought I remembered it stating) that extreme body odor was a sign of silent rebellion. Now, in a sense this makes sense. I’m in a highly conservative area so, mandates don’t sit well with the people here. However, if I were to link it with the menstrual cycle issues, then we have something completely different.

What’s the commonality here? They’re hormonal issues, right? Hormones comprise our physiological and behavioral messaging system in order to regulate the body and our responses to our internal and external environment. From the Greek ὁρμῶν, it means to set in motion. That translation I find fascinating because when it comes down to it, hormones manage our most primal physical functions: birth (life), sex (attraction), and survival (fear or the fight/flight response). If I’m right, our over-acting hormones are screaming loud and clear that our future security is in jeopardy in so many ways. Our bodies are indicators of what’s going on in our mind, heart, and spirit, whether we realize this or not and they are on high alert right now. They are set in motion for a coming response. Prepare yourselves, people. If you thought 2020 & 2021 were rough, I think 2022 is going to be much more interesting. Our bodies are preparing for a fight. You might want to prepare yourselves mentally and emotionally too.

Please let me know in the comments below if you too have been noticing any of this! I’d really love to hear your story.

Offense Justification

Unearthing the Sacred: Melanie Stevens

Let’s talk JK Rowling. This subject has been on my mind since the day of her latest tweet that garnered international attention as highly offensive and bigoted. Honestly, I agree with her that the world’s gone mad. That’s evident in how her tweets have become so misinterpreted, deliberately. First off, she uses sarcasm which obviously has become so little used that much of the world fails to recognize this. Secondly, in her older tweets (when she originally caused offense) she clearly stated she is a supporter of anyone who wishes to identify as the opposite gender but goes on to differentiate between that socio-cultural gender identification versus biological sex and why the distinction is important. In the case presented, Scotland Police “will record rapes by offenders with a penis as being committed by a woman if the attacker ‘identifies as a female'” [Source]. Scotland law states that rape is defined as being an action only men may perform as a penis is required for rape to occur [Source]. Because there is no distinction between biology and gender from this 2021 law of gender identification, what this means is that if a masculine-identifying biological male rapes a female, gets caught, and decides to identify as feminine-gendered upon arrest, he will be free to commit as many rapes as he feels, alternating back and forth between female and male identity as needed to thwart the law [Source]. (Because of the discrepancy between the gender identification in one law and biological male genitalia in another, it will be interesting to see how this plays out.) In countries in which rape is not identified as occurring only when a men performs the act, it could mean he, if prosecuted, would have full run of a female prison. In the world of sports, too, the lack of distinction is causing a crisis in the longevity of female sports [here, here, here, here, here, here, here] for biological males are physically stronger.

In the strive for minority recognition and acceptance, has common sense become obsolete? It seemed only a couple of years ago that the idea of labeling the self was no longer desired and, yet, now it appears to be a supreme mark of distinction. Everything must be labeled now, at least if it’s considered under-represented, misrepresented, exploited and/or oppressed. Only a year ago, there was an outcry of cultural-appropriation if one displayed or wore a culturally-aligned emblem of any kind from a people other than one’s own biological ancestry and yet, here we have a deliberate suppressive trajectory of the female through the misuse and deliberate misinterpretation of feminine and female or gender and sex.

But, the difference between sex and gender wasn’t actually what I wanted to talk about.

I’ve come to the realization that one’s justification of offense is more important than finding out that the entirety of the argument was based upon a mistaken premise. So, in the case of JK Rowling, when I brought up the problem with the controversy with anyone, the other person was more keen on keeping up the premise of offensive bigotry even if they loved her books. I mean, if you loved an author, actor, politician, or whomever but something they said was taken out of context, wouldn’t you be happy to know that you’re mistaken? In this case, it’s the opposite. The continuation of hatred towards her is more justified because the offense is a worthy cause??? I’m confused on this honestly. I’m not sure anyone understands where any of this is leading us. Moreover, I can understand the fear about CRT (Critical Race Theory) being employed in schools NOT because of the absolute justification and promotion of a diverse history other than Caucasians undeniably falsified supremacy. There should be a balance. However, becoming prevalent is the over-labelization of society that is creating more divide than unification. My nephew asked me the other day if I like the analogy of the “melting pot” or the “tossed salad” better. I said neither. Never have. In his eyes, the melting pot denoted that unification whereas with the tossed salad idea, through compartmentalization, any item not wanted could be tossed out. I’m against both analogies (in this context) as one promotes division and the other promotes the eradication of difference. Otherness is important for it is in difference that we create newness and evolve society into something greater. But, division, that seems to be on the table currently, sets up boundaries and fails to promote unity of the whole.

If we were a society that promoted individualism through teaching self-care, self-worth, critical thinking, formulation of self-identifying ideas free of censorship, and the integration and interconnection between all things, maybe, just maybe, we wouldn’t need the external validation of thought or identification to justify our existence. The freedom found in individualism creates unification. No fucking need to ride each new trending wave of self-righteous justification of worth. Maybe the next new trend could be to just be – just learn to be the truth of who we are, without any input, or care for someone else’s input, about how we should think or who we should be. If we’re learning moral value through other peoples ideas of ethical ideology and behavior, instead of analyzing our heart of its soul truth… man, we’re fucked. One’s moral compass will never be found through someone else’s directions.

The Importance of Breathing

Unearthing the Sacred: Melanie Stevens

Have you, by chance, noticed a weird energy in the air recently? I’ve been feeling something pulling at me for the last week – an energy that wants me to delve into negativity but, luckily, is finding no real foothold with me anymore. There’s been several swarms of this energy that have swept through in the last couple of years. They are meant as clearings for old energy to move out for the new, light-filled energy to come in, but for those who refuse to do the spiritual work, the confrontation of self, this may end up merely causing more disconnect. Astrologers are giving warning about next week (12/15-18, 2021) being a time of great upheaval – that may be either uniting or divisional, but, more than likely, enlightening. [If interested, start here.]

We have all been witness to the dichotomous polarity that seems to have occurred, particularly in the last two years, to the point of many of us feeling a complete disconnect with what was once our world too. Where I stood only two years ago in mind and heart is vastly different from where I stand now. I watch fascinated with those I stood with in solidarity once seeming to have lost their center in order to ride along on this nauseating roller coaster ride taking them to nowhere. But, I write not to hash out a political debate, for that is by far not what’s happening in the world, though it have been simplified as such. I write to remind each and everyone of us to find our center, and keep re-finding it. I hope all who read this will join me in doing the following:

  1. Connect with nature, particularly receiving sun each day (take vitamin D as needed).
  2. Seek out the joy. Seek out the joy. Seek out the joy. Even if it’s the most ridiculous or simplest of acts – do it every single day, if not every moment. I can’t stress enough the importance in this.
  3. Breath meditation.

Many of us have been probably under the idea of breath meditation as the standard way in which meditation has been taught – take long, deep inhales and release slowly. Using breath to evoke peace within, evolutionary thought, and create euphoria is mastery, and one that should be developed by the individual soul. It helps, though, to have techniques to play with in order to feel the effects upon the body, mind and heart complex and find what works for you.

  • Using chant
    • Use the first vowel sound of your name on the exhale (ie. my first vowel is the ‘e’ and sounds like ‘eh’, so this will be the sound I use.) What this does is to realign your body/mind/heart complex to your soul.
    • Upon the exhale chant an ‘I AM’ phrase (ie. I AM love) or just ‘I AM’. Play with it and see what feels better. Your ‘I AM’ is the same as what’s called the Christ Consciousness or your Higher Self. In a sense, your are honoring it here.
    • Use AUM. AUM = I AM. I would like to caution with this one, however. Most, if not all, teachers, practitioners, authors will equate AUM with OM. Letters, as do words, have vibration depending upon not only sound but the symbols. These are two completely different vibrations. The AUM recalls the Christ Consciousness of the ‘I AM’, the God-connection. OM does not, but instead creates a aggravation between mind, heart, body, and soul that stops connection to the God-Source.
  • Add movement
    • Qigong (and other modalities such as Tai Chi) incorporate energy balancing through movement. Personally, I can’t stress enough the shift in alignment when employing Qigong. It’s like receiving a spiritual bath and my entire body perks up in pure joy.
    • Yoga. Though usually placed under the same heading as Qigong, I would not equate the two. For me, yoga is more physical than spiritual but that may be different for you and I do find benefits. Kundalini yoga I will add following my Qigong routine which gives me an added boost. The ego-eradicator, which uses a fast-paced breathing technique, helps to do just what the name implies – eradicate the ego.
  • The Wim-Hof Method. (Follow this link HERE for the guided meditation or grab the book HERE.) This one creates a bit of a hyperventilation response from the body which causes the sensations of tingling and light-headedness and operates like the ego-eradicator by cutting through the crap that gets in the way of the mind-heart connection. When I perform this technique, I feel like I’ve been smoking weed afterwards. Yah, I haven’t done that in years but I definitely still remember the feeling. High as a kite. You’ll love it – you won’t have the munchies and it won’t leave you feeling discombobulated for the rest of the day. Wim Hof also adds in cold showers to jar the mind and body into a stressed state that prepares them for the day to come. I highly recommend reading the book.
  • Tummo. This meditation practice includes a fast-paced movement and helps to bring up the temperature in the body. (This video explains the basics to beginners HERE. This one offers a full understanding HERE, and this one adds the element of cold HERE.)

Think of the breathing meditation as a poem. Shakespeare employed an iamb meter that alternated stressed and unstressed syllables which sanctioned a natural flow like the accent (stressed) of the inhalation and the unaccented (unstressed) exhalation of breathing. At certain contrived moments, a caesura would be added to mark a natural hesitation or pause in the prose. One reason I like the Wim Hof Method is because it takes the rhythmic pattern of deep, strongly accented breaths placing them alongside the disruption of the pause. The disruption is one that dings the brain center more than anything else, causing it to become highly attuned and aware while the regulated breathing pattern creates a super influx of oxygen that saturates the body into an energetic calmness. Though that last sounds contradictory, the deep intense breathing directs the body to a state of awareness which allows a certain physiological disruption in the body’s normal functioning that not only sedates but causes a vibrational tingling that can be fairly euphoric. So, the idea of a breathing meditation would be to disrupt and refocus all components of the mind/body/heart complex, not merely the mind and/or heart as we normally presume.

Some things to keep in mind when choosing or formulating a breathing meditation:

  1. First and foremost, does it create a communion with the God Source in a way that is individually recognized by the heart/mind/body construct?
  2. Is there a compatibility with the routine(s) that creates desire for investment with time, commitment, and the five elements of Air, Water, Earth, Fire, and Source?
  3. With the idea of the five elements, does it bring an unified emergence of thought, emotion, action, creation, and Spirit?
  4. Does the body feel vibrationally heightened and enhanced?
  5. Does it help direct focus, particularly on positive energetic desires?
  6. Is there a sense of euphoria or joyful calmness presented?
  7. Does the modality have a set accented, rhythmic pattern with a rest following (or rest stops within) that feels like joyful freedom? 
  8. Is the routine one that works both with the rhythm of breathing and the pause of holding?

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.” – Ezekiel 37:9

Let me know in the comments what your routine consists of. Do you follow one the methods described above, one I haven’t listed, or something unique only to you? Share your method, if not mentioned, so that others may also experience it for themselves!

Rebooting Your Life

Woman at ocean

Have you ever made that decision to change your life? I’m not speaking of changing a job or moving. I mean EVERYTHING. Literally, everything. I’m talking delving deep into all your deepest, darkest secretive places that you hide from even yourself, rediscovering your joys, shunning people who have manipulated you so thoroughly that you became imprisoned in your own mind (even if they are “family” and you’re supposed to love them no matter what), and relearning how to truly love yourself and know your worth. I’m talking the 180° turn-around that seems to scare the shit out of those around you. Yah, that.

Those of us who have been under the imprisonment of enmeshment trauma or other psychological manipulative tactics can understand this. We’ve spent our entire lives under such enforcement of “never good enough” – unless you are like me, or the determination of our worth is congruent with what we provide to others, never what we may also provide for ourselves. Hell, society, in general, teaches us that our worth is only determined by what we do for others, and, if we need in return, we no longer have value. I won’t argue with the idea that our value, even from the subjective standpoint, will always be tied to what we do for others, but I think our perspective is a bit fucked up, particularly for those of us who were raised in middle to lower income households. These are the service classes in general. We are trained in every area of our life to be of service to others. But, we are rarely trained to be of service to ourselves, are we? Instead, we’re taught escaping – through vacation, drugs, reading, alcohol, thrills, shopping. We should be getting taught (or allowed to continue the childhood wonderment of) the exploration of joy and creativity. Authentic worth, I argue, can only be had through finding joy, creating through that joy, and offering that joy and that creation to the world. I mean, when you think about it, how much service have we provided to the world in the manner in which we have been operating? How many problems have actually been solved? Perhaps my perspective is off, but it seems to me that our problems have only grown, not receded. We have the tendency to offer service in a manner that degrades ourselves and, in turn degrades others.

I may have written about this before but I have this story about trying to take a mere walk down my road. For a number of years, I would get stopped repetitively by people wanting to “help” me. Perhaps it was unfathomable to them that a lone female would be walking by herself just because. But here’s the thing, I wore appropriate clothing including running or hiking shoes, was usually in motion, ignored them by not making eye contact, definitely wasn’t waving them down or foaming at the mouth. If they had actually cared about me, they would have chosen to take me into consideration by noticing those details. I had one lady stop on a blind curve with children in the back demanding I allow her to help me. I could see my house in front of me. I use this story because I think it exemplifies what’s going on in society. We have lost any sense of self worth and, sometimes, in order to feel worth, we create problems to solve or fail to take the other person into consideration in order to feel our own goodness.

I am one of those seemingly doing a 180° and yet, here’s the thing… This is actually who I have always really been. I have ALWAYS known exactly who I am but I became so convinced that my worth was determined by others. None of the rules that have been forced upon me have ever felt right but only enhanced the unworthiness. It was like a never-ending out of control spiral into the pits of hell that made it feel like a virtual prison. So, I’m doing things on my own terms now and excluding everyone from having an input on what I choose to do with my life – literally and figuratively. In each moment, where choice is necessary, I choose what makes me happy, not what would make someone else happy. And, yah, anytime in the past that I chose to put myself first (or tried to) I was called selfish. I’m okay with that title now for I know what it means. It means I am not serving that person in a manner that they believe benefits them. In truth, my “selfishness” benefits everyone. My joy is your joy, just as your joy is my joy. I cannot encourage all of you enough to say “fuck it” to all those rules society has handed down to us to keep us imprisoned. Take back the reigns of your truth and own you.

Enmeshment Trauma

Hands gripping fence

I’ve heard so many stories of how people felt relief when receiving a diagnosis for some disease or other conditions and I will admit I didn’t understand, until now. Coming across one of Teal Swan’s videos on this subject, I actually felt that relief. I’ve described this phenom to myself in so many ways over the years, particularly recently but to pinpoint it with a name rather sealed it into place so that now I can take steps to work through it. Isn’t that weird how that works sometimes? The fact that I needed that name to validate what I felt I was experiencing is also telling of how traumatic of an experience enmeshment is.

So, if you’ve never heard of it, let me do some explaining…

Usually it begins in childhood in which one parent (at least) raises you in such a way as to force you to identify with him or her as a unit, not as individuals. S/he demands allegiance by controlling what beliefs and ideas you express to the actions you take to the emotions you express. If you do not line up with that parental unit, there are consequences to be had, such as ostracism. They will give you gifts for your loyalty or punish you for your rebellion. The only Self that is to be identified with is that parental unit. Your wants do not matter, your ideas do not matter. If it does not line up with the only Self that matters or is not acceptable within the confines of the defined boundaries, punishment is automatic and swift. This creates within the child a lifelong rebellion, compliance, or a fluctuation of both. The child’s self never matters and is therefor considered worthless, insufficient, and a detriment to the only worthwhile Self of the family unit, that of the mother or father. This enmeshment trauma is then carried on into the next generation as well as to other relationships in varying degrees. If the job of enmeshment was done sufficiently, the child will have zero ability to authenticate any true aspects of their own self apart from the parental unit. It’ll be either do this to rebel or conform because that’s all you know.

For those of you who didn’t really experience this or may have only to a slight degree, I can say with absolute clarity how traumatic it actually is. All of my life I have struggled with just wanting to be me but was shamed if I voiced me in any way. It’s rather amusing that most people know they have no clue who I am for I trust very few and therefor say little of consequence about myself. Those that I have been subject to an enmeshment situation, on the other hand, claim they know me completely. Not really amusing, I know. Truly terrifying to think about really. It has caused a lifelong rebellion for me that, despite the demands to have a career of value, I remained stagnate. Technically, I have had many different jobs over the years, many of which would fall under the guidelines of acceptability that I received, but were still never good enough. In fact, never will the enmeshed ever be good enough. The only possible way would be to reflect the parental self completely and that would be dependent upon that parent’s perception of self. To further complicate this is if the enmeshment goes beyond the parental unit into the other branches of the extended family. You more than likely take this even further to become enmeshed in other relationships. You essentially have been forced into disowning your own self. There is no I… at least not your I.

To be honest, I have no answers yet on this. In the last year, I deliberately chose to take the last year off (prior to whole year’s hoopla) for a spiritual journey of self-discovery. Much of what I have been confronting is this enmeshment trauma, mainly due to the fact that it became blatantly obvious. Whereas I had no fear this year, those that were my enmeshment manipulators demanded I fear like them, believe the ridiculous contrariness like them, and proceeded to go after me with very personal attacks to diminish me when I stuck to my truth. It’s why much of what I write about seems to have a theme – that of self-discovery and self-sovereignty. My main enmeshment trauma comes from my mother but extends to many other family members. It appears to be one of my family’s main generational trauma’s that many of us have been experiencing in the mental and emotional purging of this past year.

I just had a thought about being an Empath, as I identify myself. It may have been Teal Swan again that said Empaths become empathic because of childhood trauma and the survival need to know every aspect of the emotional nature of their tormentors. As an Empath, or survivor of childhood trauma, I can walk into a room without paying any conscious attention to anyone yet automatically read the mood of everyone in there. Survival. Fascinating to think of it that way really. The emphasis on empaths learning how to differentiate themselves from others instead of taking on others emotions cannot be expressed enough. It’s how some of end up in relationships with people we never would willingly choose in a million years – we feel their interest and cannot differentiate from the self’s interests.

When you can destroy the illusion of who you are to others and be yourself, you will have restored your innocence. Mirroring is based on which face would bring us approval. Memory approval entangles ourselves with the fear of being different. Disentangling truths allows for entering the heart space. Our beautiful uniqueness begins co-creation, where life begins. Fears can destroy the light within. And, fears have no place alongside love, light, or joy.

If you have had a similar experience, I really stress looking within and doing everything you can to learn how to find your value. The world needs you. Feel free to explore my blog, as mentioned before, the bulk of my writing is about self-exploration and declaration of the I AM. Understand too, the more you exert your I AM, the more you will be attacked. Hold firm. It just means you are on the right path. The more personal attacks I receive, I know without any doubt that my world is breaking free in so many ways. About two weeks ago, I had, as far as I am concerned, my final confrontation with my mother. I have never in my life felt so free. A week later, I received personal attacks on my character. If you need support, send an email to me and let me know how you wish to be contacted (email/phone/video chat). I’ll be more than happy to listen and help you through. Know that you aren’t alone.

In the meantime, I will continue to write more about this journey of mine, so feel free to follow along. Ask questions if you need to. Leave comments of your own journey if you wish to share.

Remember always, you are awesome and loved!

Mind yo’ beezwax

bees building hive

Most of the ills of the world could be prevented if we’d just let others be. Almost from the time we are brought into this world we are inundated with others telling us who we are, without care to our inherent right for individualism and soul authentication. I was pondering the other day on a story I was reading about a man with a burning desire, who cultivated that burning desire into his son which allowed that son a life of richness, wonderment, and creation (which was what the burning desire was.) But how many of us are flooded with support and enthusiasm from those around us for whatever burning desires we may have as children? Imagine living your whole life with that desire, having quashed it due to other’s negative words, and finally making the decision to enact upon that desire. All of a sudden, those negative people from your childhood attempt to be your biggest supporters. Rather ironic. (Or, alternatively they demand you conform and if you don’t, you are ostracized.) You’ve probably heard the story of Hitler the Artist. He wanted to be an artist but was rejected as sub-par, so he went on to be a dictator who killed and tortured millions instead. One thing I’ve noticed within me is that when I am not following my passion, I become controlling of all around me. Can you imagine how much that desire must have burned for someone who ended up as a dictator? And, yeah, I could probably find sympathy for all the worst case people of the world if I understood their lost desires. Look at the state of the world though. If your Facebook feed is anything like mine, it’s overwhelmed by complaints about the “other” who is so wrong and evil. Different news story, same post theme: I am right, they are wrong. Most of us trying to control the other. Doesn’t really work though, does it?

From birth, our world becomes about external validation. If not given the proper tools, our world continues its existence based upon that external validation, thought, and subliminal messaging. Some have said that school (at least the American school system) consists of an array of subjects to help guide the student to whatever vocation they are led to, but I, if not you too, have come to the conclusion that schools, in general, only emphasize the control factor of the external world on subjugating individual thought and expression. School becomes an external source for a child in the receiving of one of their first lessons in smokescreens or deceptive marketing. I’ve used a quote in previous posts that I’ve loved by Jaime Casap that states: “Don’t ask kids what they want to be when they grow up but what problems they want to solve. This changes the conversation from who do I want to work for, to what do I need to learn to do that.” Only recently have I come to not appreciate this quote as much. The reason I’ve come to not appreciate it as much is by seeing need or problems, actually creates more problems and needs. I mean, if you teach a child to see problems, there will definitely be problems to see. The more we are taught to fix problems, the more problems we find to fix. Eventually this idea can lead to fixing the self and fixing others. If we didn’t feel the need to fix problems but instead not see them as problems, the momentum on those “problems” could actually become fixable all on their own. Think about it. I very vividly remember a speech by Esther Hicks channeling Abraham in which she stated that we have a war on drugs, war on cancer, war on terrorism, employing campaign after campaign to put an end to these huge problems in our society but, in truth, what has our wars ever done? Create more of a problem, exacerbate it. Perhaps if we came at these “problems” by only seeing the desired result and working within the context of that desired result, the “problem” would actually go away. It’s an idea that’s akin to prayer. When we pray (if you do consciously) for the healing of someone, we train our focus on the person’s wellness, not their illness. Focusing on the wellness matches the sentiment of the prayer. When we don’t, it creates discord in the asking and invalidates it.

But, we’re so trained to only see problems. We’ve been so trained to only see problems within ourselves that in the need to right the insufficiency within, we must find even greater insufficiency in another (or outwardly), creating an endless cycle of demoralization, antagonism, and invalidation. In our attempt to fix others, we fail to realize the only lack we’ve truly found is within.

I find the irony of the fact that I’m writing this, essentially saying we have a problem in society, knowing it points back to me. In truth, everything I write about is due to my own soul-searching and realizations of my own perception of self (even had I not consciously realized this.) I mean, technically, how we all individually view the external world is how we are unknowingly (usually) perceiving the internal Self. What is reflected back to us from the external is only a mirror image of the interior. This means that on some level every problem we perceive applies somehow to something going on in the inside. Think of those external “problems” as symbolic of a subconscious perception of internal lack. (In my next post, I will be visiting this personal lack I perceive within my own self.)

Maybe we should start seeing instead what’s right in the world and looking for the goodness in others (no matter how much we don’t like them.) The more we see the good, the less the problems. But, it’s highly important for us to learn to value our own self in the process, more so really. As individuals, we are integral parts of the whole. The whole, or the collective consciousness, is dependent upon those individual thoughts, perceptions, ideas, knowledge, actions, and emotions, just as any unit, group, or society should be. Every member has value, even if we have been taught otherwise or continue to teach otherwise. If we’re the teachers of worth, what do our words and actions say about our own value of self?



I’ve had different understandings of what the subconscious is over the years. Originally I thought of it as those thoughts and ideas that lay buried within us that motivate us, causing emotional responses or actions from us. When I became knowledgeable of Dolores Cannon’s work in Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy, the idea of the subconscious became more equated with the Divine Self of the I AM. The first known use of the word was by the English essayist Thomas de Quincey. In his use of the word, it is argued by Markus Iseli that current usage has it confused with the definition we have today of the unconscious. Iseli claims de Quincey uses the word in such a format that indicates “implicit thought, automaticity, implicit perception and implicit motivation” (Source). What this entails then is thought, action, or reaction is based upon a developed, habitual, and, therefor, known responses of how things are supposed to operate. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, only if it’s the standard practice, the standard response, the standard thinking process. It’s why we never change, only become more ingrained into our idea of how the world operates. To change means to become conscious.

To become conscious at least opens the gateway to understanding that our subconscious has been ruling the roost and is merely a habitual mechanism to keep us “safe” from any notions of threat. Threat isn’t merely perceived as a ‘fight or flight’ scenario which would be more in the realm of the unconscious. No, threat here would imply anything that is outside the norm. When we finally become consciously aware, choose to change, and begin implementing that change, the subconscious begins an assault against this new threat. It’s why so few people, when making those New Years’ resolutions, will rarely stick to them. It rather defines our logic in our world; logic being that which makes sense according to what we know (See Logic Part Deux.) Should the subconscious perceive a threat in the form of an anomaly, it’s as if a lockdown has been implemented. An enforcement of repetitive thoughts and desires will assault the mind demanding it “rights” itself.

Did you ever think about the fact that the subconscious can hear you? We usually only give validation of existence to things we can see, but literally everything is energy, including ideas and thoughts. So, if the subconscious is merely an idea or concept, it still is energy. Learn to treat it as if it has value by talking to it about your plans. I actually did this and you know what happened? I started smiling and laughing. I felt light and free. It was the strangest sensation. I do mantras all the time to retrain my subconscious and I was still doing this when I began consciously talking to the subconscious BUT I told it of my plans and why we were doing this. I told it that everything we knew before were lies – that which others had told me and that I was now in the process of learning faith in myself. And, I told it what was the truth and why it was the truth and what we’re going to do with that truth. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of expansiveness. I mean, at first, there was much fear, but the more I talked about its fear and why we need not fear, the more the smiles and the tears of joy came.

Here’s the truth about the subconscious and perhaps why its definition has varied throughout the last two centuries. The subconscious is reflective of the limitation or expansiveness of our thoughts, feelings, and five senses. If we have had a limitation of thoughts, feelings, and/or actions that have created boundaries of existence, the subconscious continues that reiteration of fear and limitation. It mirrors those ideas that it becomes inundated with overtime. The prevailing thoughts become the habit, or logic. If, on the other hand, we are always challenging ourselves, learning new things, seeking out adventure, the subconscious will expand and become more freedom conscious energy. The subconscious, as much as it may be limited by those thoughts, feelings, and actions, really doesn’t like the subjugation created by limitation. Everything in the universe likes freedom, even that which we call mere concepts or ideas. The universe is always about expansiveness and abundance and freedom, and that is meant to be reflected in every minuscule component within its creation.

Logic Part Deux


I wrote the following question on a piece of paper the other day:

Is logic merely subconscious programming?

Defined, subconscious means “mental processes taking place without consciousness” (Source)

Consciousness: “internal knowledge,” “state of being aware of what passes in one’s own mind,” “state of being aware” (Source)

Logic: “the science of distinction of true from false reasoning” (Source)

To reason: “to question” or “challenge” (Source)

Etymologically speaking, the question would be a resounding no. Perhaps, more specifically, we should state “Is the current understanding of logic merely subconscious programming?” Hmm…

That’s an interesting way of defining logic as if one person’s determination from questioning is wrong compared to another. To clarify though, it is the act of actually questioning or challenging, not in the derived outcome. We seem to speak of logic today in terms of rightness of our beliefs, but to question implies that the one who spouts “logic” has been seeking, examining, and inquiring (Source).

It also implies that if logic was indeed used to derive one’s beliefs, then one’s beliefs would not 100% align with one’s chosen groups/factions/associations but would in actuality have a discernment in thought and ideology. If there’s no disparity between the Self and any group one aligns to, there’s no real thought, is there?

Thought: “process of thinking,” “consideration, deliberation” (Source)

In defense of perhaps the majority, is critical or creative thinking really taught within the walls of our educational system much? If there is decent access to the Arts, then perhaps, but most public school systems, particularly at the elementary and middle school levels, are quite devoid of any access or are subject to minimal time allotments every couple of weeks. To top it off then, physical limitations have been so constricted over the years in a child’s movement that it automatically imprisons the mind over time.

Personally, I think for those of us that do question everything that comes into our consciousness and, particularly, refuse to align with any faction of thought due to the set limitation on choice and the external categorization one gets placed in, we may wish to (if we haven’t already) learn to play the “devil’s advocate” or, more subtly, use the Socratic method of asking a myriad of questions to garner conscious logical thinking. A divided nation can only come together truly if we become compassionately aligned through being conscious, discerning, understanding, and learn to celebrate the individual and not the self’s righteousness in its alignment to an external sovereign.

Just something to consider, deliberate, examine, question, or challenge… Thoughts?



You know that feeling like you’ve been wearing a leaded vest and then one day, you just decide to take it off? Yah, that feeling. The feeling of lightness that almost sends the body and mind into an apoplectic fit. I’m having one of those moments right now.

Though I have been known to go on the offense in a vicious dog attack mode in the past, the last couple of years, for the most part, I’ve been pretty even-keeled due to the wonderful effects that qigong has on me. To clarify too, the only time I have gone on the attack was when someone had taken their bullying, words, or behavior too far. It was always when I was at the end of my rope. (And, mind you, I always mean what I say. Even in anger, I believe in absolute truth as well as absolute love.) There was one time I remember that I had been bullied for months by a coworker that I finally snapped so hardcore that the entire office was like “oh, shit.” I never lost my cool. I’ve spent the last year centering within specifically to not feel the need to react to someone else’s bating, negativity, or emotional turmoil. I lost my cool this past weekend. Yep. Totally. I knew going into the situation, it was going to be rough and so I spent the long drive there calming and centering. When I met up with this person however, it was automatic contention. I tried to ignore it, but see, I was breaking the “rules” and that was particularly aggravating to the other person. What was the “rule” I was breaking?

Wearing a mask. Yah, highly contentious, I know. But, to be honest I’m not really grasping the duplicitous, contradictory “rules” floating around out there. And, if I can’t make sense of something, I’m not about to condone or promote it. Nor will I condone or promote something that goes against everything I know and believe about health and psychology. But, that’s all for another post. [If you have a differing belief, that’s fine. I’m not getting into that kind of argument right now. I find it’s rather pointless because no one wants to hear anything, just assume and be justified in their rightness. It’s not the point of this post anyway.]

The thing is, I will not promote someone else’s fear. Ever. Especially when I’m being demanded to share in that fear. Back to the story though. After the initial ergh-ness, we chilled out a bit and were having a decent time. But, then… we were left alone. We took off to a place where I was immediately told to put on my mask if I had one because “you have to. They require it.” Um, no I don’t. And, I didn’t. Ooh, and guess what? I was fine. No problems. Just like everywhere else I’ve been to. However, the person I was with became highly aggravated. I really didn’t help when I told her that the death rate had literally only gone up by .2% last year. Yah, when you look at the numbers, they’re high, but percentage-wise, not sure that it upholds the restrictions or the continued forewarning of things to come. (Btw, I did the numbers, not read them from an article. CDC had published their weekly tolls for last year and, more recently, the actual total. You’ll have to otherwise find the population.) We briefly discussed it before it became an all out war due to the fact she interrupted me and had the gall to say I was the one not listening. Not a proud moment for me in the yelling bit but a proud moment for me in regards to the fact that I not only stood up for myself, but walked away. See, this person has always explained to me in so many ways how my voice doesn’t matter unless it is in the promotion of hers. My ideas don’t matter unless they coincide with hers. My feelings don’t matter if they make her feel uncomfortable. My genius is only brilliant if it promotes her understanding of the world.

Who is the person? You probably guessed already. She’s my mother. But, you know what? When we’re on this spiritual journey, more than likely many, if not most, of the people that have been in our lives, will either have to go or be relegated to only the rare social call or phone conversation. Reading these last few sentences and being reminded of my opening paragraph may have you believing I’m a cold-hearted bitch. Sometimes, we all need to be the “cold-hearted bitch” though. It doesn’t mean we have to be without feeling, but it most certainly means we are putting ourselves first. We’ve been trained very well to put everyone else first, though, haven’t we?

Out of roughly 30 conversations I’ve had with her in the last year alone, my voice was shut down. I was told I was wrong and even once I was told “no, let me tell you, I’ve done the research.” Um, my research actually entailed primary sources (straight from the horse’s arse), not the secondary ones of biased news media, but whatever, right? Imagine how many times my voice has been shut down over the entirety of my lifetime. How many times has your voice been shut down? Our voice is our self-expression. It is the expression of the I AM. When we shut others down and refuse to hear them, we take away their right of soul-expression. And, yet, we still demand to be heard in return? Hah! Doesn’t work that way. If we want to be heard, we also have to listen. To truly hear another, what they say has to digest, marinate, be understood and, perhaps, examined, but, most importantly, honored. Not much honoring happening lately, though, is there? That’s what fear does to people. Fear causes us to lose sight of why the fuck we’re here in the first place.

I like peace. Innately, I’m the peace-keeper for I can see both sides of every situation usually. I’m just tired at the moment though. In order for me to be an authentic being, I have to honor what I believe in, which pretty much annihilates the entirety of 3D societal view and places me, as well as perhaps many of you, into awkward and contentious positions that we don’t wish to be in. I could wear the damn mask to make it easy on myself, but then I’m validating their fear, not living my truth, and promoting the psychological harm that those who demand the continuation of them don’t seem to grasp. This isn’t about health. It’s about fear. And, fear is a great way to shut down the voice of the soul.

In the past 6 months, I’ve found myself shedding a number of people in my life. My compassionate nature has been lured too long into the complacency of allowing them to remain in my life. I see their pain. I hear the bravado in their words that merely mask their fear. I am not without compassion by far, but, right now, I have decided to allow myself more compassion. Isn’t that the case though? – we are only considered compassionate if we are giving ourselves to another, not in the taking control of our beingness. Then, we’re selfish and cold-hearted bitches. Well, I hope, if you need to step into your truth and light without being weighted down by the wants of others that you’ll join me in being the “cold-hearted, selfish bitch” and shine that light as fucking bright as it will shine!

Mission Statement


Sometime in my twenties, I wrote a mission statement. I found it. Surprisingly I still like it and do my best to adhere to it, though I’d strike commandment #6, mainly due to the word “ought.” That one’s right up there with “should.” Follow the desires that align to your heart/mind/body/soul complex and you need not worry about the oughts. Do you have a mission statement? What would yours looks like?

Mission Statement

I am committed to fulfilling my creative potential. By utilizing my core beliefs and values I shall endeavor to live a spiritual life that inspires and transforms. The core beliefs and values are: freedom, honesty, faith, love, creativity, spiritual growth, discipline, generosity, gratitude, happiness, health, silence, ritual.

My purpose:

  1. Survival – to provide the basic needs for my physical survival by making money, having healthy food to eat, having a comfortable home in which to live, and a car as needed.
  2. Relationship – to develop and enrich existing friendships, to form more supportive and loving friendships, to create and develop a soulful relationship with another in which love, truth, spirituality, giving, fun, loyalty, and growth are stressed.
  3. Self-esteem – to develop a creative venue that applies my natural artistic talent and to turn that into a lucrative self-sustaining business, to always give love to myself in the hardest of times, to honor my emotions and release them, to pray, to do things that I have a spiritual need to do (ie. travel, art, read, enjoy nature), and to ignore the naysayers.
  4. Transformation – to release my fears of self-consciousness, abandonment, conformity, aloneness, of public spaces, of new things.
  5. Internal cohesion – to always be true to myself by following my intuition, to follow the course that only I and Source set out, to always approach life with a sense of wonderment.
  6. Make a difference – to use my art to inspire others, give unto others as I can when I can, to always go above and beyond all I do, to be filled with love and peace and inspiration, to let others know they are loved.
  7. Service – to give love, be generous, and help the spiritual growth of others by utilizing my skills and expertise


  1. Always be true to myself
  2. Lighten up
  3. Do everything in love
  4. Be honest always
  5. Be fair
  6. Do what ought to be done
  7. Follow my intuition
  8. Surround myself only with positivity and joy
  9. Create
  10. Always strive to be and do better
  11. Pray
  12. Be kind to everyone
  13. Give gratitude
  14. Stay the course
  15. Pay attention to the bigger picture
  16. Find the adventure
  17. Forgive
  18. Seek peace
  19. Stay healthy
  20. Do something for someone everyday